How do I love?
To love, I must consider Him.
To consider, I must learn Him.
To learn, I must search for Him.
To search, I must have information about Him.
To have information, I have been reached by Him.
To be reached, I am found by Him.
To be found, I am known by Him.
To be known by Him, I am loved by Him.
We love because we were first loved by Him.
Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments. Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove:
O no; it is an ever-fixed mark,
That looks on tempests, and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wandering bark,
Whose worth’s unknown, although his height be taken.
Love’s not Time’s fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle’s compass come;
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.
If this be error and upon me proved,
I never writ, nor no man ever loved.
—-Sonnet 116, Shakespeare
Inside-Out Love
How should you love your spouse? By fulfilling their love language? Depositing into an emotional bank account? Or how about filling up an air tank, complete with hoses which you try not to step on? This session will turn these and other popular ideas inside-out as we explore what Jesus calls us to in our relationships. Not for the faint of heart. Prepare your marriage to be turned inside-out. Better yet…prepare to die.
You may have heard of these:
his needs her needs
crazy cycle
emotional air tank
emotional bank account
love languages
But according to God’s Word, he requires a dying love not founded on feelings or manipulation of others to get what I really want as so much of psychology teaches. Consider truth:
God demonstrated his love (Rom. 5:6-11)
We love b/c He first loved us (1 Jn. 4:19)
Love is… (1 Cor. 13)
Love your neighbor… (Matthew 22:37-40)
Restore gently when in sin (Gal. 6:1)
Bear each other’s burdens (Gal. 6:2)
Build others up for benefit (Eph. 4:29)
Effective/Productive circle (2 Peter 1:3-11)
Husbands love, wives respect (Eph. 5:33)
Husbands respect, wives submit (1 Peter 3:1-7)
“The saving love of God, expressed in the death of Christ, does not speak anyone’s natural love language. And yet it is the greatest love and our most desperate need. In this way Christ fails the love language test!
“… As Powlison says, “I’ve found that one acid test of my heart is how I handle being misunderstood, caricatured, reviled, dissed—not how I handle being accurately known and loved! It’s when someone doesn’t speak my ‘love language’ that I find out what I’m made of, and by God’s grace begin to change what I live for.”
“It turns out that it was not that she wasn’t loving me, but that she was loving me in her own language. This had closed my ears (or heart—metaphors are getting mangled!) to those expressions of love. But once I understood her better, then I was prepared to receive love in different and unexpected ways. Now I am learning to understand new languages and to respond to them.
“Part of considering the interests of others is to do them tangible good. But then to really love them, you usually need to help them see their itch as idolatrous, and to awaken in them a far more serious itch! That’s basic Christianity. 5LL will never teach you to love at this deeper, more life-and-death level.
“It sounds more like opiates for the masses than The Revolution needed to bring in the kingdom of solid joys and lasting treasures”
-http://www.challies.com/christian-living/speaking-loves-languages
“Redemption is not less than what Chapman tells people to do. But it is so much more. And it does everything for such different reasons. Jesus’ couples do lots of other things in addition to seeking to love accurately. They seek forgiveness and forgive. They call things what they are. They aim to redemptively remake what others live for, even as God is remaking them. They live for God, not for getting what they want. Jesus offered Himself as the bread of life, when all that the hungry crowd wanted was more pita bread to fill their empty bread tank!
“The love of Christ speaks a “love language”—mercy to hellishly self-centered people—that no person can hear or understand unless God gives ears to hear. It is a language we cannot speak to others unless God makes us fluent in an essentially foreign language. We might say that the itch itself (an ear for God’s language) has to be created, because we live in such a stupor of self-centered itchiness. The love language model does not highlight those exquisite forms of love that do not “speak your language.” You and I need to learn a new language if we are to become fit to live with each other and with God.”
-http://mattadair.typepad.com/communitas/files/five_love_languages_critique.pdf
Picture courtesy of https://shetalkswithgod.files.wordpress.com/2014/04/love-cross-upside-down1.jpg
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24. Write a short outline, with Scripture references, of biblical truths to guide your discussion with someone who tells you that love is dead in his marriage.
What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? – James 4:1
Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives – 1 Peter 3:1
This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. – 1 John 4:10-11
Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves. Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Share with the Lord’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality.
Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited.
Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord. On the contrary:“If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.”
Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. – Romans 12:9-21
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21. Name at least ten characteristics of biblical love.
(All adapted from 1 Corinthians 13)